owning up...

i have never been good at opening up. still not either. one of the very reasons i started to blog was to unleash & may be let go a little. its a work in progress & still struggling to gather everything to share it out here. if you're someone like me who blogs about personal drama , you'd probably can relate to me on some level about how hard it is allow other people see you in distress. and make them see how vulnerable you are.

maybe this is going to be a difficult post than i thought it would. its always hard to accept failure.especially when you know there's some innocent kids depending on you to pull through. while i'll always be there for them, i dont think i can pretend anymore. despite my best efforts, its over & its just not going to work. funnily enough, i think i may have keyed in those words for the first time that i have been so scared to own up & say out loud.

life spells

i learnt pretty early on things aren't always what they really seem. yet every time something doesn’t turn out the way it should, it hurts. i should be immune to this stuff by now, instead of setting myself up for disappointment over & over. why does it always begin to feel familiar like the back of my hand before it blows up in my face ? man i tell you.. that invisible glimmer of hope can be so convincing at first & damningly misleading at the end. may be some things are just meant to be the way they are. laws of cause & effect are teasing me? it just sucks i might not find out until some time later...

going on retreat

..there’s a quaint little place out in Olaboduwa village, just off Gonapola (close to Horana, if i remember right) in Sri Lanka, where you can go on a spiritual retreat. Ayya Khema International Mediation center lies in the midst of rice fields & rubber plantations & holds retreats every first Sunday of the month for anyone who wants to initiate a personal exploration of Buddhism.

this place is run by Aramaya Bikkhuni Kusuma, a fully ordained buddhist nun who was among the few educated women influenced to re-established the therevada bikkuni order in sl. when her mentor, Ayya Khema passed away in ’97, a chunk of the responsibilities was piled up on her & the meditation center was built with the help of donors all over the world. google her or look her up on fb and she even has some pics out of this amazing place. Or check out the link;
http://www.congress-on-buddhist-women.org/index.php?id=71